The Disciples
Photographer James Mollison’s portraits of fans outside of concerts. Check it out here.
Sky High. So much fun!
“ An artist does not wait for inspiration to work. Through the hard work, inspiration will follow.”
I ran 4 miles today. That feels pretty good for a non-runner. Starting month 2 of Boot Camp tomorrow. I want to feel strong this year.
2011 was full of loss. Loss of a life I had planned for myself. A loss of a relationship and friendship, that despite everything, did mean a lot to me. A loss of my baby Chloe dog, who had been with me through it all and left a great loneliness in her absence. A loss of the relationship I thought I had with my Dad after words were said to me that are forgiven, but never forgotten. A loss of a beautiful home I had worked so hard for. And a loss of the thing I miss the most, an idealism about being in love and that it lasts forever.
Life suddenly got really complicated this year. Even if you are the one choosing your path, there is still grief, there is still a great, great sadness, and heaviest of all, there is still blame. 2011 was the hardest year of my life so far. I don’t think I’ve ever been so disappointed, so confused, so lost. I don’t think I’ve ever hurt people as much as I did this year… in particular, a person I love… and when that happens, when you let yourself down like that and try to make sense of it, it is almost impossible to feel good about yourself when you carry that blame. Even when you are forgiven, forgiving yourself is a completely different thing.
I felt really sad last night at the closing of such a hard year, reflecting on all that has happened. But even though the weight of 2011 is massive, there was also a lot of light. I learned more about myself this past year than ever before. I’ve worked so hard emotionally to deal with myself, with life. There has been so much growth this year into who I am and and who I want to be, and I do feel proud for that. I am a work in progress. A huge fucking mess of a work in progress.
Good riddance 2011. Despite all your faults, here are a few things that made me smile.
Buying my own home:
A few perfect days at Waldo Lake:
A trip to Hawaii:
A lifelong friendship:
Becoming a mentor:
This boy and being able to share him with someone I am really thankful for.
A beach trip full hope hope:
Growing as a photographer:
Wishing everyone a 2012 full of love and hope.
